i dream of dairy

"the world is playing a joke on me. i finally got an interview and my interviewers name is DORCUS..."

Wed, 29 Feb 2012 16:57:14 -0500

“the world is playing a joke on me.
i finally got an interview
and my interviewers name is DORCUS MOO.”

- My sister and her no good very bad luck #truestory

DAY 46 - EASTER +

Mon, 25 Apr 2011 09:22:00 -0400

You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you’ll find you get what you need.

Tommy Sparks puts my thoughts, feelings, desires about dairy (the lost and found) to music. Please play this song on repeat as you read:

These Things Happen - Tommy Sparks.mp3

Have I been putting off the final post? Clearly. I mean, sure I have a ton going on because I am very busy and important. But also, I~~had to chew this over like an ooey-gooey butter cookie~~ I like the attention.

I anticipated a strong feeling of certainty at this point. I thought I would know exactly where to go with this; what to say. But idreamofdairy covered topics beyond animal bi-products. I’m stuck like dried queso to an over-nuked glass bowl trying to figure out how to package it; wrap it up with wrinkleless paper and tie a silver bow on top. When singling out a chunk of time - giving it a start and an end - it seems like something substantial should happen. But sometimes, I guess, time just moves forward, directionless or otherwise. Ahhh, the life of a twenty-something.

Let’s start with what I know. Let’s start with how it felt to go back to Dairy for the first time in 46 Days. To be succinct – It was weird. It was a lot like my first walk through my kitchen on the Day One dairy free: awkward and guilt-filled. I knew it was allowed, I knew it was ok. But, man, that quitting quitting something is even harderer than quitting in the first place! You get me? Welcome to Dairy Mountain, just take a right at Brokeback.

10 am – Come down for family breakfast. I decided to dip my toe into diary. Carefully, slowly, cautiously. Handled with care. I toasted a lovely Italian slice and generously spread over some Irish Cream Butter. And it was heaven.

11am – Open the Easter Baskets. We are too old for Egg Hunts, but my mom is a stickler for tradition, so along with a pastel cardigan and pastel oven mit (subtle mom) this marked the go-ahead to dive into the Cadbury dark chocolate mini eggs. And they too were overwhelming. I had about four and decided to hold off for the Brie and Puff Pastry.

2p – We baked it to perfection:

BEFORE:

AFTER:

When it came out the oven, nervous excitement overcame me. Giddy and anxious, I cut a slice off and dug in. And it was….not what I expected..

The flavor was phenom dot com, but it didn’t feel like food. It’s hard to describe, but something about the texture - the consistency - felt foreign and like I should not continue eating. Not one to listen to my body, or follow my own advice, or wear sunglasses at night, I housed down half the wheel.

4p – In bed. Fetal position. (I still will skip the gory bodily details b/c I still would like someone to marry me someday.)

5p – Back downstairs to join the family and guests for Easter dinner. Lamb, Butter drenched mash potatoes, bread pudding for dessert.

DESSERT!! I know, you want my family to adopt you so you can come to our holiday gatherings and have J’s bread pudding and Sprinkles cupcakes. Sorry we’re full up at the moment - but Christmas is just around the corner.

7p – On couch. Fetal position.

I guess the take away is: I thought I wanted it so badly, I remembered it being so good. But it’s funny how memories shift reality. How we can make ourselves think something is fact, because we tell ourselves loudly enough and on repeat. We end up believing it is true as the sky is blue:

Exhibit A:

I went to this Art thing in NYC which displayed an applicable quote from the Artist, Mr. Brainwash. Cohort and possible hoax of famed street artist Banksy:

We have three lives: one that we live, one that dream, and one that we remember. - MBW

I think we go through most days thinking these three “lives” line up pretty well, or at least there is a substantial overlap, should we be so lucky. But as I immersed myself deep into dairy, nothing was quite as I’d remembered, nothing quite as I dreamed.

Much like a lost love affair, back in town from say, I don’t know, Tokyo, leading to an explosive reunion where the dynamic of what was and the reality of what is reaches a boiling point that should just never ever have happened, and sometimes feels like it never did happen, and instead exists outside of the real world, in a place parallel but pretend, closed in a box forever and ever. But, I don’t know. Maybe nothing like that at all.

I guess that is where my hesitation in the final post comes in. I feel so very unresolved. I haven’t added cream to my coffee. I haven’t eaten many dairy products. The third day back to dairy, I had some queso, and yes it was delicious, but it felt funny, uncomfortable. Not in a bodily way, but in a psychosomatic way.

On about Day 11, when I was expressing how much cutting dairy was reducing my anxiety and improving my sleep and asthma, my friend J made an excellent point. Perhaps it was never so much about the food or the diet at all. Maybe it has a lot more to do with exerting a level of control over something, no matter how small.

This morning I found this article - which I’ll admit was unsettling – saying that adult picky eaters could actually be a symptom of an OCD type thing. My sister J calls me a cyber-chondriac so let’s take that at face value. Still, in this little experiment, the dairy-avoidance gave me a focus, and the blog held me accountable. And maybe it’s that simple combination that makes walking away so complicated.

Over the last 46 days a lot has happened, but still, the more things change:

Digestive system reset
Sleep cycle reset
K and J put on offer on a home sweet home
G’s bf J got robbed
My work spouse is leaving for greener pastures
I need to open a ~~wedding specific~~ savings account (congrats A&C and J&B)

The more they stay the same:

Dependency on alcohol, gossip, and trips home for real food and recharging still strong.
Wine Night, Wine Club, and people I drink other alcoholic beverages with are the highlight of my everyday (not that I’m drinking everyday).
My landlord still has not fixed our light, our washer/dryer, the smoke that creeps into the apartment from the woman living below us.
I still don’t have renters insurance (which I REALLY need to reconsider given the smoker that lives below my abode, leaving lit cigs next to the curtains and then…yikes.)
I still believe you can’t argue with crazy, and I still need recognize when a person is making me crazy.
I still do not have a book deal about writing a blog on dairy.

weight - final count 6 down

sleep - far improved post dairy sacrifice

energy - calmer, steadier, less polarized

misc: I love to love to hate this City. xxxxxoooxxxooo. Thanks for reading!

DAYS 44/5 - HOME STRETCH

Mon, 25 Apr 2011 00:14:00 -0400

We are very almost there!!! Can you feel it?

BOYS v GIRLS - A REBUTTLE

Fri, 22 Apr 2011 15:13:23 -0400

One of my male friends read the Boys v. Girls blog. He emailed a wonderfully written rebuttle and I just felt compelled to post. With permission of course!!

THANKS, this made my day!

Soooooooo, I have NOT been keeping up with your blog, sadly. But I am making up for it now while I count down to the 2pm early release for us today.

In catching up, I found your BOYS v GIRLS post to be predictable yet also interesting. No offense at all! Let me explain… At the end, you say:

“I would bet $1MM they aren’t out with Lars at Market Bar going: OMG, I met the BEST girl this weekend! FUTURE WIFE!! No seriously, is she gonna text back? Like for realz, what IS she doing? UGH – I mean, she bought me juice this morning! SOOOO sweet! Xoxo.”

Well, as a social guy, you are absolutely right and wrong on the above. We dont verbally talk about the ridiculously early predictions on wifey potential, but we are certainly discussing it with ourselves in our heads. And depending on the bond between the two males conversing, they may even verbally go that far just as quickly as you women seem to do.

We ABSOLUTELY analyze every little piece of contact (buying juice, time between texts, etc), especially in the early stages when there’s so much mystery. We ABSOLUTELY ask ourselves “why the F you hasnt she texted me back yet!” The Cat and Mouse games are unavoidable as YOU are from Venus and I am from Mars.

Let me lay out a gauntlet (of sorts) to you and your band of gypsies… We men would prefer a straight up game where the two can match wits, dreams, ambitions, etc in an open and direct dialog. We would be MORE THAN HAPPY to tell you almost everything right away. We’d love to respond to your texts as soon as we read them. BUT, that has proven (since the dinosaurs, at least) to be a complete and utter failure for us as potential long term suitors for your tribe…

In my opinion (probably 97% of men agree with me here), you girls do not truly want what you say you want at the moment. In other words, we men MUST be fairly unavailable, unpredictable, and a bit coy with you gals. Its the only way you (the girl) will continue to pursue or accept our pursuit without too much of a chase or losing interest all together. For instance, your friend (Anon) started liking this guy MORE AND MORE as every hour passed since she started to notice that he hadnt responded. She may not admit to it, but I guarantee it’s true. It’s why SOME guys have rules about when you call a girl after a date. Its not because we dont want to move fast, believe me! It’s because you girls will absolutely lose interest if there is an apparent certainty to who we are or how we truly feel about the particular woman at that time.

Well its almost 2pm, and I have written you a novel that has gone off in as many directions as an octopus has limbs. I hope you find this in the spirit it was intended - humorous, innocently barbarous, from the heart, and in hopes that you found it entertaining in the slightest… Your blog has certainly been at least slightly entertaining for me :)

Have a good weekend.

DAY 42/3 - FEEL THE NOISE

Thu, 21 Apr 2011 11:26:00 -0400

Silence is boring.

I’m not going to play pretend like I care/know/care to know about sports. I don’t. My brain only has so much space available, and I choose to fill any and all not used up by fine motor skills, sentence formation, and memory with celebrity gossip and pontificating the space time continuum. Seriously - fourth dimension, right? If we could JUST crack that code! Teleporting would be so much easier than plane travel, and there wouldn’t be any more peanut issues.

Still, I love this time in Chicago, when everyone comes together to rally around our sports teams! There is an energy that reminds us why we love this city, cruel as it is half the year, so dang much!! All the vitality, all the noise! Anyone subjected to a one on one dinner with me knows I don’t do silent well. (Mine’s fine, but don’t ask her, jokes C!?)

The evening of Day 43, the girls that drink wine excessively on the weekly decided to take the show on the road. We discovered an excellent special at Firkin & Pheasant for half price bottles (and bunless burgers that are lent approved):

And last night was a WIN! I do love that song, I love any opportunity to break into dance. Do you ever wonder what would happen if everything was a musical and we each had a theme song? Me neither, that’d be weird! (TM NYC A)

Speaking of music, back to DAY 42! (See what I did there, smooth as cream cheese frosting transition.) My sisters stopped over for an impromptu dinner and J brought with her some bragging rights. My sister J rarely lucks out in everyday things. She is the unlucky sister.

J is a smiley wee blond thing, but somehow ALWAYS gets searched at airports, misses the connecting train, and is one number off from winning the lotto. However J does land with her bum in the butter when it comes to concerts and connections. Connections beat lucky…actually I don’t know…thoughts? So J got to go Coachella with a HYPO LUXO backstage pass. Much like Kate Middleton, J came back with learning’s of a VIP commoner.

Kate Bosworth was with Hottie McHotterson Eric from True Blood, BUT they were not very coupley, the break up rumors may be on the horizon.
Finn from Glee touched her arm!
Celebrities boo-tay’s are way more important than yours!! Evident by the faux granite porta-johns for the VIPs only:

I was going to poke fun at my sisters naivity. Excerpt in blogging and hypocrisy:

Me: how do you spell whip it, like the balloon air, nitic acid

K: i think like that, maybe whippits

K: and its nitrus gas, not nitric acid, which would be dramaticlly different

K: please dont confuse the two!!!

Me: haha

K: No seriously. nitrus oxide, i think is wat you were looking for, also its not for balloons, thats CO2

Me: Ohhh, ok.

K: also very different and dangerous to inhale, also its not helieum, but that is fun to inhale

Me: Geez, ok, complicated.

JK: just trying to keep you alive!

Me: so basically i know nothing

JK: about this, apparently

weight - five down - bammm

energy - steady

sleep - coma

misc - I love my friends: ”between drinking like a hilton last night and and early start time this morning, i am tired!” - LP

DAY 41 - CHEESE LUST

Wed, 20 Apr 2011 11:09:00 -0400

BUT I REALLY REALLY WANT IT.

Love versus Lust. Since the beginning of love affairs, confusion existed around the two similar but drastically different notions. It led to many a broken heart, misguided emotions, bad advice, and countless pregnancy scares.

On Day 41 it became clear. I always have and always will LOVE cheese. But right now, I am LUSTING for it. Analogous to a long distance romance, days away from a highly anticipated visit, I am planning all the fun things we will do together!! My mind is aglow with thoughts of what I will eat, taste, touch, have, hold. Forever and ever and ever..

I thought I would share with you, my loyal readers, some of the TOP recipes that I am jonesin’ after, click the hyperlink for recipes, no need to wait on my accord:

1) Brie Puff Pastry

2) Cheesecake Pancakes it jumps right off the page! nom nom nom.

3) Jalapeño Popper Grilled Cheese

Starting to wind this little-blog-that-could down (Last Entry will be the Monday after Easter) I want to also take a moment to say thanks for reading! This thing, small as it may be, made an immeasurable impact on my day to day, beyond giving up my lunch break. And to quote Daft Punk, pretty sure I’m coming out of this experiment Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger. I realized this because when my sister relayed a joke from the Office with Will Farrell making fun of overly-dramatic allergy sufferers, I actually thought it was funny, and not insensitive. Jerks.

G: will ferrell is replacing michael scott on the office

me: ok

G: he was like introducing himself to the other characters hes like “my name is d’angelo viccar, I love the American southwest its my favorite region, I have a peanut allergy, its something i live with” hahaha

me: hahaha, going on the blog

G: and later michael makes pb and js and everyones yelling at him that dangelo is allergic.. hes like “michael last time i came near (whatever peanut something he mentioned) i was itchy for 3 days!”

weight - four down, i think, no gym for a few days, wommp wommmp

energy - steady through rain storms

sleep - coma

misc - my cousin in South Africa graduated college today! YAY! My dad sent us kids a number for us to call from our cell phones (like a calling card). When I told my dad I called, he wrote back. “Good Daughter.” I’m not a dog, Dad. But thanks, now will you give me the spare car?

It’s so good I’m embedding it. Fine.

DAY 40 - TIMING

Tue, 19 Apr 2011 11:26:00 -0400

It’s Everything

Day 40 of Lent marked the first day of the Jewish holiday Passover. Full disclosure: I am a wanna-be Jew. I have a ton of Jewish friends, grew up going to Bar and Bat mitzvah, love me some Jewish weddings! The chairs, the chuppah, the Kippah! I love men in hats! And don’t even get me started on the comedy! Humor is genetic. Gravy: there is like a 75% chance you’re popping out a Lawyer or Doctor. I still screen my doctors by their last name, if there isn’t a Burg, Stien, or precious metal (gold, silver) in the name, they better be asian.

Based more firmly in reality, when my parents moved from South Africa to Canada they were adopted by what I call the Jewish Mafia of Toronto. It went something like this upon landing:

“Ok Steve will put you in contact with some job prospects, you get your house from Jeremiah, you get your car from Ori, and you get your jewelry from Jonah.”

And it worked out pretty well. We grew up sprinkling ourselves in certain holidays, making people angry when we played piano on Friday, etc. Sadly, I’m limited to being their favorite Goy. Always slightly on the outside, looking in.

Last night, my friend NYC A was in town for her family’s Passover. She invited me to join, the large gathering, but knowing it had a lot to do about food and tradition (and I have so many dietary restrictions at the moment) I said I would join after.

Judaism has its holidays together, and I truly appreciate the theatrical value of the Seder. For those less familiar, Seder is the Hebrew word for Order or Sequence, and it is a ritualized dinner observed during Passover. For fear of being politically incorrect, I’m going to play it safe with the wiki definition:

a Jewish ritual involving a retelling of the story of the liberation of the Israelites from slavery in ancient Egypt. Traditionally, families and friends gather in the evening to read the text of the Haggadah. The Haggadah contains the narrative of the Israelite exodus from Egypt, special blessings and rituals, commentaries from the Talmud, and special Passover songs. Seder customs include drinking four cups of wine, eating matza, partaking of symbolic foods placed on the Passover Seder Plate, and reclining in celebration of freedom.

This is more than I knew when going to NYC A’s. So I’m going to give you the story from my perspective, if you are Jewish, you probably have an idea of what happened. NYC A told me to get there at 8:30.*

*I am legit scared of messing up any religious thing because everyone is so serious about it. I was permanently scarred when I went to my ex-boyfriends Catholic Church and royally messed up. The whole thing ended in all eyes on me, and his mother leaning over to his sister: “Ohhhh, I didn’t realize she wasn’t Catholic.” There really wasn’t any coming back from that. I hear he’s getting married to some girl that converted this June. Mazel.

So I arrived at 8:45, buffering in time. The doorman, usually very rigid about calling ahead, let me right up. As I turned the corner, I could hear the dinner going on, and it sounded like things were winding down. Great! Perfect timing!

A small child was holding the door open, so I walked right in. I started fussing with my jacket and saying hello, and then I realized no one was speaking. They were all standing in position, holding a book, there were frogs on the table, and everyone looked silently stunned…I only knew the immediate family, but there were two long dining tables of people. Staring at me. What must have been 30 seconds, but felt like 5 minutes later NYC A’s mom said, “and here she is!” And the laughing commenced.

Apparently, one of these stories is about a prophet named Elijah. At some point they open the door for him and set a chair out, and leave a glass of wine. From what I can tell, Elijah has the best deal in the thing, but as you may have guessed, no one actually enters. Turns out this time I’m Elijah.

Which I’m actually totally cool with because the guy gets to show up at the end, sit in a chair, and have some wine, that aligns pretty well with my orginal plan. Worked out for everyone.

weight – four down

energy – strong

misc. – In planning a viewing party for the Bulls Game, B sent out a wonderfully inclusive invite: Obvs all husbands/boyfriends/fiances/roommates/friends/lovers/ dates/co-workers/one night stands are welcome.

DAYS 38-39: WKND SWEETNESS

Mon, 18 Apr 2011 10:40:00 -0400

Finding the Silver Lining

Spring: What a wonderfully unpredictable season. One day it’s 80* the next it’s snowing. Clouds flirting with a down pour, fog hovering over the city, and every now and then, it lets up for a few great hours and the sun cuts through.

I am clearly off count on this blog, so even though it says two days, I’m covering the trials and follies Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Friday – I took a much needed day off work for a staycation with a couple teacher friends, K2 and B. We decided to be ladies who lunch. So with the rain starting, we met at Basil Leaf for a three champagne lunch to wait out the storm. And it was heaven. Check out the hunk of brie on B’s sammich:

THIS SUNDAY! CAN NOT WAIT!

Continuing the silver lining, would ya take a look at this:

Those aren’t the shakes! That’s just the learnin’ juice, and it be flowin’!! I’m shooting for Mensa.

Saturday winds nearly knocked me out on my walk to my friend’s AK for some Country Strong on demand. But short of a Tornado, nothing was stopping me. Honestly, have you SEEN the Garrett Hedlund. We were so smitten at one point he just said “PBR” and there was an audible swoon from the ladies on the sofa.

A night out in a different neighborhood on Saturday reminded me that even though this city had me in the survivalist routine of winter, spring is sprung. I can’t wait for the weather to level out and discover all it’s pockets and places untouched, unexplored, as they thaw out from the deep freeze. The new is so very exciting. Also – every bar needs Uno and exposed brick.

Sunday, cloud-cover parted, and Chicago found itself on the other side of the rainbow, everything in color. It was all sugar as V, JH, and I trotted off to the Flower Show!! We dragged JH out despite her slow recovery. “I didn’t get roofied I got cherry bombed..” Watch out Stephen Hawking!! As it is drawing to a close, I must highly reco to the Flower Show in the conservatory at Lincoln Park. It was a dream:

Free admission
Flowers everywhere
Sausage Trees (Please do not handle the fruit)

And in May there is a beer tasting. Look at the community service! Upping Chicagoland’s IQ, one beer and bloom at a time.

weight – four down – still pissed.

energy – steady

sleep – varied, but dreamfilled

misc - NYCA, I can not believe you were wearing Jeggings. Thank you NYC K for the confrence call update and this wizardry:

AhMazing

DAY 37 - SINGLE DIGITS

Fri, 15 Apr 2011 10:45:00 -0400

I have less than ten days left til I can eat cheese again.

My body has clearly adjusted to the no cheese and is starting to gain weight again - EMERGENCY - going to run immediately!

Don’t worry, there will be more good posts soon ;)

weight - FOUR down - BRAKES!! boo

energy -great

sleep - helpful

DAY 35 & 36 - BOYS v. GIRLS

Thu, 14 Apr 2011 11:21:00 -0400

Stop pulling my perfectly symetrical pigtails.

In the midst of an epically hectic week, (the stress eating has made me desperately miss queso, ice cream, and easy mac) I came across an interesting wordle that lodged itself in my brain. In short, this lady took a bunch of commercials about toys marketed to girls and boys and pulled words from said ads. The visualization of gender marketing at such a young age is striking:

Can you guess which is which?! I suppose we all know it - somewhere in the back of our minds - but seeing it together like that is just so…stark, bleak, depressing even? She’s a brit b/c color has a “u” so read the article in an accent, it sounds even smarter.

I always blamed my unrealistic romantic expectations on Disney movies and Mattel, but this daily messaging during the after school cartoons tops the list. I get it; we hear both sides of the argument. Advertising is evil and perpetuates stereotypes v. Advertising is the symptom, not the cause of existing human truths.

ToMAYto, ToMAHto. Goat Cheese, Chevre.

But after a 48 hours jam packed with hits to my gender (both publicly and privately) I had to wonder how different things would be if girls played with the toy cars in commercials, and barbies dream house featured a fallout shelter or martial arts room? (That said, when we got our dream house with an elevator for Christmas, I was pretttty popular around the cul-de-sac.)

This week, I received an alarming number of panicked calls from my girlfriends from coast to coast losing their mind over boys that they just met (blame the spring fever). I say this with love and understanding, and a heightened sensitivity to acting like a crazy girl, but we all need to take a chill pill. The most surprising call came last night from a friend that made me swear I would keep her anonymous in exchange for this conversation.

Anon: I texted him at 4p, it was a regular question, it is 7p here. Where is he? What is he doing? Doesn’t he want to talk to me?

Me: Working? Thinking of the answer? Not stressing over this…He’ll respond, and he’ll ask you out, and if he doesn’t, you dodged a bullet. Don’t worry, you’ll have your answer soon enough.

Anon: You don’t understand I have never felt like this about a guy, I don’t ever like people, and I LIKE him, I am IN LIKE with him.

Me: When did you meet him?

Anon: Friday – I know I know, but he bought me juice, like I know most guys probably buy girls juice, but no one has ever bought me juice. (editor’s note: no, most guys do not buy girls juice.)

Me: That sounds sweet, but confusing out of context. Either way, you’re only stressing because you’re the girl, and now you just have to wait, and sit and see what comes back. And it sucks, but it’s the way these things work.

Anon: You don’t understand. I told my mom about him, I told her I went on a date with him. Mainly because I’m concerned she thinks I’m a lesbian, but also because I am SO IN LIKE WITH HIM. Do I text again? What should it say? No, I shouldn’t right? No text. WHAT IS HE DOING?!

In Anons defense, I have not seen her get this worked up about ANYTHING. Except for things that can’t be mentioned on this blog for legal purposes. And even then, I don’t think she was THIS crazy about it.

But why do we go crazy?! We bring these near strangers to life in conversations to our girlfriends, our guy friends, our co-workers. It’s exciting. And half the “relationship” value becomes talking about the relationship. It’s a giant part of our dynamic as friends, and people. And I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. It’s just been acutely prevalent this last week.

After this convo I read an article about Jane Curtin’s appearance on Oprah. She mentioned when she first started on SNL in 1975, a JACKPOT job, she couldn’t get a credit card. Because she was a self-employed female. I sympathize, as I too couldn’t get a credit card until very recently. I’m pretty sure that had to do with some unpaid medical bills and not my inability to write my name in the snow. Still, the concept of needing a co-sign by your husband or father to get a credit card floors me! And it irritated me just enough to reevaluate my advice on these phone calls with friends, as well as my own interactions with the banana hammock gender.

I’m going to use the “Battle Filter.” It’s not just an 80’s dream hit, it’s a reality. And here is my overarching piece of advice to all the callers this week with a cell phone glued to their palm, hitting refresh on their email, and updating their Facebook status every hour on the hour:

Let’s just all agree to take it down a notch. And remember that while we (ladies) are being fed epic love stories, baby dolls that really pee! and deodorant that makes our armpits pretty, they are not.

I would bet $1MM they aren’t out with Lars at Market Bar going: OMG, I met the BEST girl this weekend! FUTURE WIFE!! No seriously, is she gonna text back? Like for realz, what IS she doing? UGH – I mean, she bought me juice this morning! SOOOO sweet! Xoxo.

After I got off the phone with Anon, he texted. Another one bites the dust.

weight - five down (major plateau)

energy - steady through unending work

sleep - coma

misc - everyone must start watching Happy Endings immediately. I was LOLing all hour.

DAY 35 - DRAINED

Wed, 13 Apr 2011 14:55:00 -0400

Please don’t hate me. We are launching this big important thing at work and it involves alien like things and I just can’t squeeze in the post today. And I was lame yseterday..I KNOW. But I’ll post tomorrow. Double post. How is that?

DAY 34 - IMMATURE

Tue, 12 Apr 2011 13:07:00 -0400

Ok - I was about to post a very immature blog. But now I’m going to hold off til tomorrow. Just incase. The internet is forever remember…

Instead enjoy some immature humor STARRING, NYC A!!! (sort of safe for work…sort of not) - the embedding is being tricky, so if it doesn’t load just follow the hyperlink!

Fixed?

DAYS 31 to 33 - CONFUSED WKND

Mon, 11 Apr 2011 11:23:00 -0400

Down the Rabbit Hole

When we were teenagers, my dad would be a cray cray about checking in. If we weren’t home by midnight he would text, it would go something like this:

12:00 – Where are you?

12:01 – You need to be home.

12:02 – You are late. Come home now.

12:03 – Phone call (hit ignore)

12:05 – Stop ignoring my calls!! Get home right now!!

12:06 – For every minute you don’t call me you are losing a day with the car.

12:07 – Response – DAAAADDD!!! WHY ARE YOU RUINING MY LIFE?!?!

The sad part is he thought his kids were WAY cooler than we were. Instead of being late partying it up in someone’s basement experimenting with drugs and body parts like normal teenagers, we were usually just hanging out at the beach, or in Burger King.

Dad’s fear:

My reality:

His point – nothing good happens after midnight. Touché pops.

Mild weather often makes me forget this ever important life lesson. And so this weekend was a carousel of late evenings, early mornings, and rollercoaster-ing ups and downs.

Friday night was a reunion with my old work team. It’s wonderful and refreshing when you get to work with people that end up being some of your favorite company long after the work portion of relationship commitment. Such is the case with L,E, and K. We went to Moe’s in River North. Just a bunch of gynecologists! Fast forward some drinks, guacamole, and hours, and we found ourselves at a dive bar called Shamrock something or other. My old supervisor, L, pulled through and supervised my escort home. Such leadership!! And really, phew.

Saturday started innocently enough – I was determined to make up for a week of bad decisions by working out. I got my workout gear on, and got a call from my gf A. What’s a couple minutes of catching up at her spot pre-run? Two hours later, we got a call from our friends that live in the same building, JH, K2, and V. This turned into shopping and manicures until 6p. All in my well-intentioned running gear. The road to hell…right?

Finally – I managed to get it together and go on a much needed run before the evening started – and it started late. Not making it out until 10p, I was determined to play it cool. Shampoo Effect* kicked in. By midnight when I saw my sister G’s bf J, I was all about it! (my sister had been at Fireplace too and we hadn’t noticed!) Filled with excitement, my second wind took me through to a late evening that probably shouldn’t have been. V was there with her brother too and it was a full family affair.

*Shampoo Effect: When you have had so much to drink the days prior, that one beer puts you well over into tipsy way too soon.

The siblings broke off early. (G’s text: I had the hiccups a lot. I went home.) V and I decided to make some poor choices, what’s one more drink?! (Not SUPER poor choices, we’re ladies, goodness!! Just consumption poor choices) I’ll get there in the wrap up, but point is, Dad was right, nothing good happens after midnight, or beer three, or day four of consecutive drinking.

And then, overnight, something changed…The clouds lifted, the air turned, and it was HEAVEN outside. Chicago was out in force!! It was a little through-the-looking-glass, running down the lakefront at 80*, picking up a sunburn, no leaves on the trees.

Clearly, I love me some Alice and Wonderland. The story that was beyond confusingin childhood is ripe with insight at 26:

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn’t be, and what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?” - Alice

That’s sort of how Sunday ended up. Walking around with friends, stopping for lunches at random times, celeb sighting Krystin Cavalari and Jay Culter at the Triangle. Desperate to avoid alcohol, I carried my smart water in and out of bars and parks filled with day drinkers of differing levels of intoxication.

Wrapping it up – the weather of Chicago was confused, the weekends going-ons were a little confusing upon reflection (namely the brown outs of Friday, and the Houdini’s of Saturday/Sunday). But also – sometimes people are confusing. It always surprises me who ends up pulling through and who falls off the face of the earth. Who pleads a case of trustworthy reliability, and then disappears without warning back to the lone ranger Chicago night. And then again, who resurfaces out of nowhere, especially in amazing weather. Dad was filled with lessons of curfew. But mom was filled with lessons of people: When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. Noted.

Oh - And I didn’t eat cheese. Lots of burgers sans buns. Bar food staple.

Weight – five down

Energy – sporadic

Sleep – sporadic

Misc - There’s a ton of the twist, but we’re fresh out of shout. Curiouser and curiouser..

DAY 30 - CHAMPIONS

Fri, 08 Apr 2011 14:28:00 -0400

REALER THAN FACEBOOK OFFICIAL!

Brie will be my first post lent meal. I am dreaming of a rasberry and brie stuffed puff pastry with brown sugar on top!!! Thanks all who participated, I will be reviewing the brackets for the winner!!! I just spent about an hour on Getty Images looking at cheese. You can’t always get what you want…how does that end?

Feeling rough - very post-apocalyptic.

weight - anyone’s guess

energy - jokes

sleep - jokes again

misc - never trust a drink that tastes like a creamsicle; a wolf in sheep’s clothing

DAY 29 - APOCALYPSE

Thu, 07 Apr 2011 11:49:00 -0400

Doomsday

I’m a sucker for all things apocalypse. In reality, it is pretty self absorbed to think that the end of days would line up in your very own lifetime. Nevertheless, I got sucked into some History Channel special about Nostradamus and the whole program left a sour taste in my mouth…and a 24 pack of bottled water, extra canned foods, and a flash light in my fall out shelter. Jokes…maybe.

Anyway, Nostradamus and the Mayans and some other people all guessed that something universally significant would happen somewhere in and around 2012. (Not figuratively, but LITTERALLY significant to the Universe, time/space, etc.) Before you call up Doc Brown and hop in a Delorean, chill. NASA says it’s ALL GOOD (thanks K):

Question (Q): Are there any threats to the Earth in 2012? Many Internet websites say the world will end in December 2012.
Answer (A): Nothing bad will happen to the Earth in 2012. Our planet has been getting along just fine for more than 4 billion years, and credible scientists worldwide know of no threat associated with 2012.

Woah NASA, no need for that patronizing tone! From what I understand those credible scientists are a bit underfunded these days, and NASA set up a page dedicated to quelling citizen concerns…soooo.

Do I think the world is seriously going to end in 2012? No. I’m not crazy!! Will I be totally shocked if December 21st, 2012 rolls around the and earth implodes on itself like an undercooked souffle? Mmmmmaybe not…

This morning (Really Day 30) I came into work to another wave of terrible current events. More quakes, radiation, super strength diseases, and don’t get me started on the bumble bees that have been quietly going extinct that no one seems to be paying attention to!!!

Sending my paranoia to my family, my sister pointed out a #GreatMomentInMedia:

Me: t’s the end of the world:
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/221691.php
G: hahaha- next to that article
there is an ad for groupon
that says “time is running out! buy that deal before its too late!”
like before the world ends?

Get that Media Buyer a raise.

weight - 5 down

energy - strong

sleep - comatosed

misc - A, V, and E thanks for the goss and beer at Public House, I love being a trendho and needed a night out among strangers! Especially with a photo booth!

DAY 28 - FOLLOWERS

Wed, 06 Apr 2011 15:27:00 -0400

Let them Drink Beer

Turns out, some guy is giving up food for lent and only drinking beer. Tons of press.

Turns out, he is doing it for God. Monks used to drink only beer back in the olden days I guess.

Turns out, I’m a total poser now. And I dont have share buttons. Ugh. So much catching up to do!!

weight - five pounds (the beer guy’s lost like 100…jokes on me)

energy - steady

sleep - sound

DAY 27.5 - CORRECTIONS

Wed, 06 Apr 2011 11:07:43 -0400

I take back everything I just said. Who wants to go to yoga!!!?

DAY 27 - EXPERTS

Tue, 05 Apr 2011 14:06:00 -0400

Do as I say, not as I do

I’m pretty stoked re: the weight loss sans dairy. I’m also what some would call a worrier. If one thing goes well, I immediately become concerned about the loss or destruction of said success. As a result, I am making an effort to focus on ways to improve my fitness regime so when that glorious day comes that I do reintroduce cheese to my diet I don’t balloon out to a house or Free Willy or something.

Up for something new, I joined my friend JH Monday Night to get my stretch on in yoga. Yogis are an unpredictable bunch; everyone seems to be there for a different purpose. And who can blame them, it is so confusing. So many versions, “Hot,” “Core Power,” names you can’t say but slur quickly so people think you can “Vayasiamana.” Lipstick on a Pig. I struggle to rally around basic yoga, because at the core, it isn’t real exercise.

I know people swear by it, it’s for the spirit, blah blah, fine. Maybe it’s just a branding issue, call it a calming routine, but don’t act like it’s a sport!

That said, I expect the instructor to be relatively sure of why THEY are there. They are the expert, this is their job. It’s akin to celebrities who complain about being pressured to stay in shape. That’s your job. Buy a chef, a trainer, and plastic surgeon. You signed on, nothings free.

Now, this was my first class in forever, but I immediately sensed a marketing problem. The lady in the front, telling us where to sit was…well not a living embodiment of the class and routine she is selling. I’m not just saying she wasn’t in tippy-top shape, she was unkempt and not in a granola way, in a I may not have showered in a couple days way. I’m not one to throw stones about fitness level, but I also don’t go around telling people how to run triathlons. I withheld judgment because I do not, as a rule, body-snark on anyone. It’s bad karma, and rude. However, I do get pissed when people waste my time.

Expectations:

Reality:

Through the 60 minutes the instructor actually showed us MAYBE, maybe two positions, one was lying down. Sure it was called something fantastic and pretentious, but it was lying down. She spent the rest of the time telling us what we could try, and to ‘listen to our bodies.’ I wanted to yell – I’m here to change it, not have a conversation with it…could you please be a little more specific? This is not a choose-your-own-adventure book!! But yogis don’t yell, I guess. So instead, I giggled through ½ the positions that sound like code you would read in a pervy 13 year olds diary.

I left tired. I slept well. But I am still on the hunt for a class I can get on board with. PS – Brie is winning. Feel free to vote below, we’ll keep it open through Friday.

weight - five down

energy - steady

sleep - rested

DAYS 25, 26 - WEEKEND TWILIGHT

Mon, 04 Apr 2011 12:24:00 -0400

But FIRST: THE FINALS are open for voting:

This weekend was the twilight zone.

Super major apologies for the delay but we are legit working like frazzled fraggle rock up in here today and the lunch break didn’t happen.

My friend SF M was in town from San Fran (clearly). Now, be forewarned, I was recently told this story of lives moving past each other and finding their way back together is not as amazing as I think it is. But I think the story of SF M and my reconnection is nothing short of serendipitous.

At the ripe old age of 11, I was ripped from my home town and friends and moved to a scary and new location, far far away. I went from one suburb to the bordering suburb. At 11 with no car or independence it may as well have been Mars. As these things go, I lost touch with my best childhood friends.

Then, a strong, brave, computer-sciencey man named Mark Zuckerberg came along, and changed our futures forever. Because of Facebook, we were able to friend each other, in the virtual sense. And like everyone did when facebook first came out, we friended in abundance. Creeping on people of the past, mindlessly idling through pictures and assigning stories of where long lost friends’ lives had ended up. One of these people was SF M, two others were NYC A, and NYC K.

One night in my 23^rd year of life, a night like any other, I went to Landmark (repeat, I was 23, and that was very of-the-moment at the time). Of all the gin joints – I hear “R!!!! OMG, it’s been over a decade!” It was SF M, who was there with NYC A. I promise there is NO way I would have recognized this girl or she recognized me if it hadn’t been for facebook.

St. Loyola said, “give me a child from birth to seven and he is mine for life.” I mean, that isn’t exactly right, but it is somewhere along those lines. Point is, 23 is a weird year. Right out of college, badly paid job, trying to maneuver your way through new friends, a new sleep schedule, and new apartments filled with bare walls sprinkled with unframed art. Friends are so important in the under hyped but desperately formative years of the early twenties. SF M, NYC A, and NYC K and I picked up right where we left off at age 11. They remain some of my very best friends in the world, even though each of them has since moved to opposite ends of the country. Abandonment issues? What?!

Then

Now

Bad segue - That is the story of how M came to stay with me this weekend. Unfortunately, the going-on’s of the weekend were a little twilight zone-esque. I feel a bit like I’m recovering from a lobotomy but highlights include:

1) Spring fever still in full effect was multiplied by NCAA final four and cubs games dissolving all boundaries of personal space. May have been border-line illegally invaded amongst my friends. Vom dot com.

2) A wedding rehearsal dinner where two goats were ushered into the restaurant in the middle of never ending speeches. - Again I find this weird - and story worthy!

3) Below convo over Brunch at Perenial:

L – So how is San Fran? Love affairs, etc.

SF M – Turns out there’s an abundance of Asians, so I’m not as much of a commodity, but good.

L – What’s he look like?

SF M – He’s tall.

L – I hate you, my only criteria is tall. People say – well I want to set you up with someone, what’s your type? Funny? Shy? Outgoing? But no, I have ONE – tall.

Thanks L, SF M, J, (NYC A via mobile) WN girls for such fun depsite the brain being removed from my body 70% of the waking hours.

weight – five down

energy – depleted

sleep – struggling

misc. – Delivery is everything. I think I need adderal - legit.

Day 24 - WORK LIFE

Sat, 02 Apr 2011 11:30:00 -0400

Doing it for the mortgage

Day 23 and 24 blended together a bit, so it felt fair (given 23 was April Fools) to combine into one post.

The pattern is probably pretty apparent that each week, some friends and I make an effort to get together in some way, usually involving wine. This time, they decided to focus on treats - and tried fondue:

This was one of the times I was not missing Dairy.

We were all catching up and the subject turned to work. Jobs, as a theory, kind of weird me out. I mean, I get it, we as citizens (or permanent residents) need to do something to keep countries and innovation moving forward. Plus it helps us as individuals feel like productive people with purpose, blah blah blah.

What surprises me is the differing expectations and the personal dynamics that come out of a work environment. That is what makes comedies like the Office so successful. It’s about this group of people who you spend the majority of your waking time with as a requirement rather than a choice. I have always been lucky in this respect, and work in a field that is pretty social and people are easy to get on with.

Unfortunately, my nurse friend J has a more unpredictable mix of people:

Today was my first day in (insert specialty here). And I had this woman hounding me. Everywhere I turned she was there. And she kept asking people, ‘Where’s J? I need J!’ This is great for professional development, but I couldn’t get a break. And…her breathe was rancid. Like a dead fish, or sour fish oil pills. She would just stand over me, I had to get out. I had to go volunteer on cesarean sections, just to get away from it. I wanted to say to this woman: It’s so bad, I’d rather be around open WOMBS than standing next to you.

My only advice - don’t give up dairy, I’m pretty sure it’s improving my sense of smell.

weight - Five Down (this is kind of gross now, like how much cheese did I eat?)

energy - steady, i little low from the nights activities

sleep - dreamless